Majestic & Steady: A Self-Portrait
My Friend,
This is probably the most excited I’ve ever felt about a painting before. For the first time it was like pure joy creating this piece. I’ll explain the details about how it came to be first before I talk about how I made it. This one is special to me. It’s a self-portrait.
To know why it is meaningful to me, I need to share with you a little bit about my story.
I have a very vague memory from when I was very young getting awarded for something. I can’t remember what it was for, I only have this sense of confusion about why I was getting rewarded for something that to me was like breathing. That confusion over the years grew and I watched how the world around me celebrated people.
When I was a child, there was a shift in Australian culture where children began to be celebrated for effort instead of only giving awards to the top and best. I remember being asked by an adult if I felt embarrassed about getting a ‘participation award’ for swimming, as if receiving it was something bad. I came last at the swimming club. He was taken aback when I said how proud I was because I worked hard for that achievement. I was the child terrified of water.
That confusion continued as a teenager in the nineties as I watched through news articles as too many kids my age took their life as a response to being unable to cope with the celebrity lifestyle thrust upon them. By the time Princess Diana died from a tragic accident, I thought the worst possible life you could live was one of fame and celebrity. I made an unconscious and silent vow to never be famous.
Fast forward 30 years, and I’m in my quiet time with God one morning before Christmas in 2025. I believe He tells me that this vow exists. I had no idea. All I knew was that I still never wanted to be famous. He’d said that in order for Him to take me where He wanted to, I had to deal with this vow against fame. What it looked like was self-limitations I subconsciously placed on myself. I arranged a time to meet with my friend Kathy who would help me deal with it once and for all.
The day before we were to meet, in my quiet time again, the Lord gave me a vision. In my mind’s eye, I saw a caged tiger. It was furious, ferocious, and incredibly powerful. She paced backwards and forwards in this tiny, cramped cage. I felt the Lord telling me that He was going to destroy the cage the next day but first we had to deal with the tiger; that if the tiger was allowed out in this state it would be incredibly dangerous. To me.
Late one night I wrote a poem about this moment that goes with the painting with the same name.
Majestic & Steady
Caged.
Yearning for freedom.
Furious with the one who put her there.
She raged backwards and forwards
in the cramped space,
barely able to turn
she contorted herself
to fit the mould.
Her powerful roar silenced
in the dark she turned on herself
You’ll never be
You’re not good enough
Why can’t you
It’s too late now
Words sliced through flesh until
the stripes became scars.
Until
He
Came.
He tested the bars.
He felt their weight,
their strength
and her fury.
You’ve always been,
I made you for this.
You can.
It’s time.
But first.
He knelt before the cage
Tears flowed and
Hands shaking, He reached
Through the bars
To cradle her head.
Snarl half-formed she wanted to bite-
but not the hand that
Would free her.
One last toss of the head
In frustration
In a silent roar-
the agonising protest of
Everything she’d lost.
His wounded hand open
and inviting her
to simply lay her head
and her anger down.
Slowly,
Trembling,
she lay it all
before Him.
The anger stripped away
her shield gone
revealing who she
always was-
The bars that caged her
Imploded and combusted,
burned to ashes so
all that remained
was beauty.
Still
her head lay in His hands
Her heart beat with His
A synchronised rhythm
of joy
of love
of freedom.
Princess, He called.
Her head raised, eyes piercing
through the Truth
before her.
I always was
I was born for this
I will
It’s Time.
©️ Tina Summers
My friend, in the blink of an eye the tiger changed from furious and ferocious to majestic and steady, powerful and at peace. The next day my friend Kathy and I dealt with the vow against fame. I knew I was forever changed.
Christmas came and went, and I noticed things about myself changing. I was suddenly able to keep to a routine. A struggle I had battled my entire. Adult. Life. Where before I felt like I was living with my hands tied behind my back, suddenly I was free and everything that was previously difficult became easier. So much easier. I really enjoyed being fully myself in a way I hadn’t experienced since that first thought about being awarded for breathing. When I first decided to diminish myself. And I couldn’t wait to paint again.
A month had gone by, but it was time to go back to my studies. My heart leapt inside when I saw one of the sources was a tiger looking peaceful and at rest. There was no question. I had to paint this tiger.
My Friend, this was my first time doing a loose underpainting with oils and it was a lot of fun! It took away any pressure to have everything in the ‘right’ spot because all of that would be added in subsequent layers. I began with a rough sketch and in hindsight I can see some errors that make me glad I’m not selling this piece! It was a little difficult to leave the painting at this stage, but I chose to trust the process.
The following day, I added the transparent dark glazes to give some more shape to the tiger. I tried to keep as much of the colour from the abstracted loose background and added some more in as needed to create a lovely sense of depth using colour temperature. I love working with transparent darks and mid-tones.
I couldn’t begin the opaque stage for a couple of days, and My Friend, I was like a horse chomping at the bit to get back in the studio and finish the tiger. It had been a long, long time since I’d felt that way. Too long.
I danced a fine line in this layer. I danced while painting as well, but that is simply how I paint – singing and dancing until suddenly mid dance move something catches my eye on the canvas and I’m shooting across the studio zeroed in! It must be hilarious to watch, but I’ve never filmed myself painting that way. I should do it. Fun times!
Finding the harmony between opaque and transparent was challenging, but exactly what I needed. For the first time, I painted with restraint. I tiptoed towards the line of ‘too much’ taking many steps back to assess what was needed next. I added the final details a few days later.
Still feeling moved by the tiger, the painting and being released from self-imposed limitations, I wanted to research a little about tiger's personalities. I learned tigers are solitary animals except when raising a family, but when held in captivity they develop a hierarchy within the group. The personality of tigers low in the hierarchy behave like that of my caged tiger, while those at the top of the hierarchy are described as majestic and steady. They know their power and they know their place in the world. Majestic & Steady. The tiger painting now had a name.
Not only was the tiger in the painting ‘me’, but it was also the first time painting in what felt like my true authentic artistic voice. I know my skills will only grow from here.
Artistically, I know my style is Abstract Realism. I love how two each supposedly contradictory styles unify bringing the best of both the abstract and its beautiful emotion, rhythm, movement and colour; and the representational realism also symbolic seamlessly drawn out from the abstract. This tiger is the first step on that journey of discovering my artistic voice. The second step involved BTS' fifth album Arirang and I'll talk about that in my next post.
